


a moment's respite

by twinSky



Series: unquantifiable things [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Dissociation, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Post-Canon, Stand Alone, nice that's already a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24298972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinSky/pseuds/twinSky
Summary: It is often not until you finally have a moment to breathe, that you realize how long you've gone without air.-It strikes him then, surrounded by people he can now call friends as they plan for an event three months from now, that he has a future. Yusaku was not prepared to have a future, in none of his plans did he imagine what came after. Yusaku was almost certain that something along the line would end it all, because revenge was not nearly as satisfying as people thought it might be, it was simply a means to an end.There’s an entire world before him and suddenly it is far too overwhelming.
Relationships: Ai | Ignis & Fujiki Yuusaku, Fujiki Yuusaku & Kusanagi Jin, Fujiki Yuusaku & Kusanagi Shouichi
Series: unquantifiable things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753906
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	a moment's respite

**Author's Note:**

> >stares at this fic  
> >stares at the sora arc v fic  
> Yes I think characters should be happy but also I think we need to explore the trauma their situations have given them too
> 
> After I finished writing this I realized it probably overlapped enough with 'with care do flowers bloom' that I maybe could have just made this a chapter 2? But I wrote it as a one-shot and it stands alone just fine on it's own so instead a series. The only piece of canon that remains 100% true from that is I bring all the other Ignis back because I goddamn well can. And also because I said the world only goes to shit if he's the only one left, so now he isn't and thus all his simulations are invalid. Any other things that come up I'll shove in the notes of the series.
> 
> (Yes I named the series after a line from my own fic. I'm allowed to be proud of random lines I write.)
> 
> This takes place... a good couple months after Yusaku returned from his three months. Everyone is for the most part settled, and most importantly, friends.
> 
> =
> 
> The dissociation is a minor thing, but if it's still something you'd rather avoid you can skip from; 'He doesn’t even realise he’s moved until...' to 'He awakes to what sounds like...'

Yusaku watches Takeru and Aoi argue over room accommodations for a concert they plan on attending in three months, and wonders if it’s worth all the excitement they’re putting into it. Miyu and Kiku have long since given up caring, talking about something between each other and Jin had fallen asleep on his shoulder just about the second they’d sat down.

He’d sat their stiff as a board unsure and worried about disturbing him until Kiku had assured through laughter that he could indeed relax. Yusaku had plenty of reasons he couldn’t relax, but he had eventually done so and Jin had only reacted by shifting himself closer, wrapping his arms around his. Which had made him stiffen all over again, to which Takeru and Kiku had started laughing all over again, and Miyu had instantly snapped a picture.

By now Yusaku was used to it, and was still watching Aoi and Takeru argue, now debating whether a place closer to the event or closer to the centre of the city was better lazily, placing his head against his free hand as he leaned on the table. They’d asked his opinion all of once, to which he had stared blankly until they scowled, going back into their own little world.

He didn’t care where they stayed, Yusaku barely cared about the concert in general, he didn’t even remember who they were going to see. (He’d have to ask Ai about it later, he definitely remembered, or at least had it recorded). But the rest of them were fans and both he and his therapist had agreed that this was ‘a safe way of trying something completely new’. (Yusaku tried very hard to forget the genuine smile on her face when Yusaku walked in over a year after their last session to request a new one. Even Ai’s cheering encouragement hadn’t been enough to get through that one.) Which was weird to think, and he kind of preferred Ai’s ‘well now you’re a real boy doing real boy things’. But the fact of the matter was that Yusaku was going because it was probably good for him, and he liked hanging out with them, and he did not care where they slept while they were there. What had started as a one-day trip to see the concert was now four day stay as it had coincided with their break from school. Yusaku just wanted them to decide so he could pay for his share and be done with it.

His eyes close with a sigh as he lets the words wash over him. It’s weird to be planning something like this, it’s weird that Yusaku could ask to invite Shima or Ryoken and though the rest of them might give him weird looks they probably wouldn’t say no. It’s… just weird.

Yusaku has never had a friend group this large before.

Actually, scratch that.

Correction: Yusaku has never had a friend group before.

Still not quite there.

Correction, again: Yusaku has never had friends before.

Yeah, that’s it.

Yusaku has never had friends before, and that had never really bothered him. If he had friends before the Lost Incident, he doesn’t remember them; Yusaku can’t even remember his parents let alone the possible existence of friends he may have had. And trying to make friends after… well by the time he was probably okay enough to do that he was set in his revenge and having friends was both a distraction and a liability. Yusaku couldn’t let anyone close, and even Kusanagi who he had worked so closely with had been nothing more than a co-worker.

(Or at least, that’s what Yusaku told himself until he had been forced to duel against him and watch him fade into code. Apparently just telling yourself something wasn’t true didn’t make it so.

Shocking, somehow.)

How Shima had persistently stuck by him anyways, when he didn’t have any reason to do, was still something he didn’t really understand. It was also weird to note, that Shima had been the first person to want to befriend Yusaku for Yusaku, and no other reason.

He sighed, not having revenge or world saving or crippling guilt and grief over having to end someone who understood him better than most people ever would made him far too introspective. Sometimes Yusaku missed the simplicity of only having to focus on revenge.

This was nice he supposed, though he wished they could just figure it out later, it was three months from now after all, they had time.

He blinked, something about that statement making something cold snake through him. Three months… Yusaku had a plan for something three months in the future.

A plan that had nothing to do with revenge… something just for fun.

With friends.

It strikes him then, surrounded by people he can now call friends, that he has a future. That his life did not end when he found an answer to revenge. Did not end when he brought down the Tower of Hanoi. Did not end when he defeated Bohman and stopped Lightning. Did not end when he faced Ai the end to prevent him from enacting his misguided plans.

Even now, Yusaku spends him time thinking that he can finally move on from his past, rather than look towards what he can do in the future.

Yusaku was not prepared to have a future, in none of his plans did he imagine what came after. Yusaku was almost certain that something along the line would end it all, because revenge was not nearly as satisfying as people thought it might be, it was simply a means to an end.

Where is he going to be in three months, in six, in nine? Where will he be a year from now? 

Yusaku planned out his revenge carefully, weighed the pros and the cons, made every decision on whether it would further his goals. And now here he is, after all that, without a single idea of what he wants, what he should do.

In less than three years Yusaku will have graduated High School, does he even want to go to University? Yusaku hadn’t even wanted to attend High School, it wasn’t compulsory education, and it just wasted time he could have spent focusing on researching the Knights of Hanoi. But it had been one of the main factors in allowing him to continue his living situation. Make an ‘attempt’ at being a normal kid. The fact that Café Nagi had doubled as a fake (though occasionally real) part time job had been a bonus.

Now, for all intents and purposes, Yusaku… is a regular teenager? He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ‘normal’ but this was probably it. Did the rest of them have plans? Did Takeru know what he wanted to do with his life, was Aoi already thinking about possible universities?

There’s an entire world before him and suddenly it is far too overwhelming.

He doesn’t even realise he’s moved until he hears Jin’s quiet groan beside him.

“Yusaku-chan?” Ai’s voice floats over, and it takes him too long a moment to drag his gaze down to where he knows Ai will be. The action distant and jilted, like lagging computer.

“Wha… Yusaku?” Jin’s voice adds and Yusaku…

“Are you okay?” Ai says, pulling Yusaku back down from wherever it was, but his voice is insistent like it’s not the first time he’s asked it and it takes another too long moment for Yusaku to find his own voice to speak.

“I don’t know.” He replies, and his voice comes out strained, like he’s speaking muffled through water.

Yusaku doesn’t know a lot of things, he’s coming to realise very quickly.

“Do you need to go home?” A voice, too soft and firm to be Ai’s, asks and Yusaku blinks to see Aoi standing before him.

“… No,” he replies, then thinks about it, “but I would like to.”

Aoi nods like she was expecting it, and then fiddles with her disk. “I’ll call you a cab.”

He blinks, “I can –” blinks again, “I can walk.”

“Don’t care,” she replies, not looking at him, “I already ordered it, so if you don’t use it it’ll be a waste of money.”

“I’ll go with him, my brother can pick me up from Yusaku’s place.” Jin says and Yusaku feels like he should maybe protest all these decisions being about him without his input, but he suddenly feels so very tired.

He wants to go to sleep.

The next time things register, he’s already in the cab, and Jin is talking on the phone with someone. For a moment, he’s sure it’s Kusanagi, but then his eyes fall on Duel Disk and the way Ai’s projection is blinking he realises the two of them are talking without letting the driver know.

Yusaku’s eyes close.

The world keeps marching unendingly forward and Yusaku continues to stand still, stagnant.

-

He awakes to what sounds like someone in his kitchen, which should be alarming because no one should be in house – and though he doesn’t remember getting home, this is definitely his bed – but alarm rings dully through him, far outweighed by the pounding in his head. He stands slowly, limbs heavy and slow, as he drags himself out of his room.

As he opens the door a yelp follows and he blinks, looking down to find Ai wrapped around the doorknob.

“Hey, warn a guy!” He screeches, and then, before Yusaku can even flinch at the sound, follows much softer, “… sorry, how’s your head?”

He frowns, rubbing a hand uselessly against his forehead. “Terrible.”

Ai nods, body bobbing up and down. “Thought so, come eat breakfast.” He says, tugging at one of Yusaku’s fingers.

His eyes narrow, “You didn’t cook did you?” He didn’t want to deal with a mess this early, or whatever time it was. Ai had said breakfast, so it was at least before noon.

“I’ve learned my lesson!” Ai refutes sullenly, as if his first and only attempt hadn’t ended with Yusaku’s kitchen on fire, still tugging at him until Yusaku relents and lets Ai drag him along. “But don’t you worry my dearest Yusaku, soon I’ll be able to cook _and_ clean up my messes.”

Yusaku takes a deep breath and avoids having to think too hard on that by walking past Ai’s tugging and stepping into the kitchen. At the stove is Jin, Lightning sitting crossed legged on the counter beside him, speaking in tones to low for Yusaku to hear even here in the room with them. Lightning’s gaze zeroes in on at them the moment they step into the room, as unreadable as ever, before disappearing into the duel disk next to him.

Ai sighs beside him and Yusaku reaches over to place him on his shoulder, giving Ai’s head a lazy pat. Perhaps one day Lightning will speak to someone who isn’t Jin, but that day is not today, and Yusaku is somewhat grateful. He doesn’t have the energy or presence of mind to deal with that today.

Jin looks up at Lightning’s sudden departure, eyes catching theirs with a small smile. “Uh, I decided to stay over, my brothers on his way with something for your head, Ai said you’d probably wake up with a headache.”

“I see.” He says, when he notices Jin’s attention has gone back to the stove and did not see his nod.

“And _I_ told him it was okay.” Ai says smugly, floating over closer to Jin to watch.

“Anything else you did?” He asks, mostly joking, but Ai freezes. “Ai, what did you do?” He whistles, floating to hide behind Jin. “ _Ai_.”

“I messaged Dr. Ise, she wants you to call her today.” Ai says, peeking out from behind Jin’s shoulder and despite his cowering position his yellow eyes are firm.

He lets out a breath, pressing his palm to his forehead. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.” He replies flatly.

Yusaku has no idea what Dr. Ise thinks about Ai, she knows more than most about him. When he was first sent to her she had already been told about the Lost Incident, and when he went back, with that in mind had eventually told her he was Playmaker and with that came the knowledge of everything that was online to see. None of that included that final confrontation, what happened between him and Ai was something Yusaku wasn’t willing to share with anyone.

He’s not sure if she’s made the connection about who – what – Ai is. He doesn’t ask. If he comes up, she refers to him as akin to something of a roommate, she thinks it’s good to have someone who cares about him close. The first time she’d said that, Yusaku hadn’t been able to speak for the rest of his session. Ai had then proceeded to somehow hack himself as Yusaku’s emergency contact despite not having a phone, and has since abused that to do things like this. If Dr. Ise has made the connection at some point that Ai is an AI she has yet to voice it, but every time Ai contacts her he feels a pit of worry grow.

He voices none of this, because he can hear the chorus of voices telling him to worry about himself first but…

Something cold touches his cheek and he jerks, heart racing.

“Yusaku.” Kusanagi says, voice steady and he turns to see the other beside him, holding out a bottle of water. “Everything alright?”

“I’ve been better.” He says after a pause, taking the proffered bottle of water and then the two pills Kusanagi offers.

“Hey don’t take those before breakfast.” Jin calls out with a frown, “You shouldn’t take medication on an empty stomach.”

“I don’t think that applies to things like this.” Kusanagi replies.

“Well I say it does,” Jin insists, “and I’m done here anyways, so Yusaku can wait. Now, set the table brother.”

Kusanagi stares, shocked, Ai’s laughter filling the small kitchen, but it is when Yusaku moves to set the table himself that Kusanagi pulls himself from his stupor grabbing the plates from Yusaku’s hands, pushing him out the kitchen towards the table.

He circles the plate with his finger, pale grey with a dark blue lining, a gift from Miyu after she had forced herself over the first time, as he waits. He perhaps should have been offended, but by the time he thought of it everyone had taken it as an opportunity to decorate his apartment for him. He was still sometimes confused when he walked into his living room, a place that looked like someone actually lived in it as opposed to the bare necessities that he had before.

“You want to move your hand, or should I just pour the food right on top of it?” Kusanagi grins and Yusaku glares at him, moving his hand off the table.

Yusaku eats in relative silence, preferring to listen to the three of them talk. As he finishes he pops two pills, perhaps unnecessary because the pain in his head has dulled considerably, and excuses himself.

Inside his room he pulls out his phone, dialing a by now familiar number. He closes his eyes as it rings, counting them out in his head.

“Good morning, Yusaku.” A cheery voice greets six and a half rings later.

“Hello Dr. Ise.” He greets in turn.

“How are you doing today?”

“I’ve felt better.” He says and she hums in reply.

“Would you like to talk about it?” She asks, tone inquisitive but not pushy. Yusaku has no idea how she does it, but her words are always clear, leaving no doubt to her intention.

“Are you thinking about it, or giving me the silent treatment again?” She says some time later, a light laugh in her voice.

“Thinking.” He replies instantly, a faint flush colouring his cheeks. It had been his own choice to go back, under Ai’s somewhat helpful suggestions, but once there he hadn’t known where to start, if he even could. They had three sessions of absolute silence before Yusaku could even begin to talk about his day.

Again Dr. Ise hums in reply, silence settling as neither of them speak.

“No, I think I’m okay.” He eventually says and can almost picture the nod she’d give him.

“Okay, is there anything I can do for you right now then?”

“I don’t,” he starts, then pauses, “actually, can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she replies, “you can always ask me anything, Yusaku.”

He swallows, mouth dry, wishing he hadn’t left the water in the living room. “Did you always know this was what you wanted to do with your life?”

“Heaven’s no,” she says instantly, just shy of incredulous. “I went to university wanting to be a math teacher you know?” She continues, whispering it like it’s some forbidden secret. “Then I took a course as an elective and changed my entire career path.”

There’s something almost comforting about the casual way she says it. He sighs, feeling as if something tight and uncomfortable unfurl and relax at the words.

“Is it –” He starts, then stops, words catching. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts enough to voice, Dr. Ise quietly waiting as he does, “do you think it’s weird to not know what you want to do with your life at my age?”

_That I’ve never even thought about it because I didn’t think I’d live this long. Didn’t think I’d ever make it this far in life._

“Yusaku most kids your age are thinking about dating and having fun. A lot of them aren’t even thinking about their future until their homeroom teacher puts a paper down in front of them asking them what their plans for the future are. Or maybe all they know is they’ll go to university, but not what they’ll do there. It’s rare to have a your life planned out, even rarer for that plan to be followed down to a T.

“Life happens differently for everyone, some may know what they want from a young age and actually stick to it, while others may not figure things out till they’re in their thirties or forties. There’s no rush, you’ll find your way eventually.”

“… Okay.” He says slowly, “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Dr. Ise replies warmly. “Anything else?”

“No.” Nothing he’d be able to say over a phone call at least.

“Then I’ll see you at our next session Yusaku, call me if anything else comes up.”

Yusaku mumbles something for a reply as the call ends, falling back from his sitting position to stare up at the ceiling.

So it perhaps, isn’t the end of the world that he’s 16 and hasn’t thought about what job he wants to do for the rest of his life. An overreaction on his part, which is the kind of reaction he’d never expected of himself.

“Yu-sa-ku-chan!” Ai’s voice lilts from down the hall, “we’re going to watch a movie whenever you’re done!”

He opens his mouth to reply, remembers he’s not going to validate Ai’s screeching by responding with his own shout, and sighs as he sits back up and gets off the bed.

A movie could be nice, he supposes.

-

One movie turns into two, which turns into three, which leads to ordering a pizza, which somehow turns into Ai somehow convincing them to watch a terrible romance movie that makes Kusanagi cry. Though that might have been because he’d been on his third can of beer at the point, despite Ai’s protests about drinking in front of impressionable teens.

Now they’re watching some action movie Takeru had recommended to Jin, though they has dwindled down to just him and Jin. Kusanagi had fallen asleep at some point during romance movie number three and Ai had apparently made plans with Earth and had excused himself during a murder-mystery that actually had a compelling plot. Earth wasn’t high on the list Yusaku saw Ai meeting up with, but he’d promised to be back before 10pm so he wasn’t going to think too hard on it.

He looked over at Jin, who was sitting with his knees up, head resting on them as he tugged his arms around them. It was a position eerily similar to before he’d left the Care Home, but the spark in his eyes and smile tugging at his lips as he laughed at one of the scenes blurred and shattered the image quite easily.

“Jin,” he says without thinking and the other blinks, looking at Yusaku with inquisitive eyes.

“Yeah?”

“… Nevermind.”

“Aw no,” Jin groaned, “tell me, I’m curious now.”

He glares, an expression that usually made people at least hesitate but Jin’s gaze, tiny smile and all, do not even waver.

“You went back to school.” He says, unsure himself whether that’s supposed to be a statement or a question, Jin nods anyways like he understands.

“I did, it wasn’t easy.” He replies, tone softer, less cheerful than it usually is. “The nurses tried to teach me things sometimes, but I wasn’t always in a good place to listen. I remember some of it, but it still wouldn’t have been enough; ten years is a long time.”

It was and Yusaku wondered how it felt to lose ten years without even remembering what had taken them in the first place –but that wasn’t a question he was ever going to ask.

“But my brothers smart, he helped me a lot to catch up, and I just barely qualified in getting it. You guys are a big help!”

“You’re better at Japanese and Math than Takeru.” He says, trying for joking encouragement and is rewarded with Jin’s quiet laughter.

“Numbers are easy.” He says with a nod.

“Do… have you thought of what you’ll do after?” He asks and Jin looks at him, eyes wide.

“Are you kidding me? No way, I’m still getting used to being _here_.” He says, shaking his head. “It’s still kind of surreal, to just be sitting here, talking.”

Jin’s voice trails off, eyes moving downwards.

“Jin?”

His gaze flickers upwards and when he speaks his voice is too quiet, somber. “Yusaku I was afraid for a very long time, and then one day I just wasn’t. Or I was, but I couldn’t remember why and it made the fear feel so stupid. My brother was so happy but I just kept thinking that I lost ten years of my life to a fear I didn’t understand.”

Yusaku’s hands curl, digging into the fabric of his too large sweater. The Lost Incident was undeniably the worst thing that had ever happened to him, but it also defined everything he had done since, he could not imagine who he would be without it. Maybe if it had never happened but… forgetting.

“I didn’t want to ask, my brother seemed nervous whenever I brought it up, but then you came back. You brought back the other Ignis… you brought back Lightning. And I know most of you thought it was weird I said I’d keep him, or thought I was only doing it because I didn’t remember, but I did it because I knew he’d give me answers.”

Yusaku’s eyes flicker over to Kusanagi, still asleep, snoring. “Does he…?”

“My brother does not know.” Jin says firmly, “He doesn’t know I asked, and… he doesn’t know I’ve remembered a bit.”

“You have?” He asks, too loud, and both their eyes dart over to Kusanagi who simply snorts, turning over.

“Lightning thinks when you were restoring his data, it might’ve restored some of my memories too, since he used them to help himself survive. I don’t remember a lot, bits and pieces, and I don’t know if I’ll remember more but… it was enough. It was enough to understand why I had been so scared.”

“That’s good.” He says, without thinking but it’s too late to take the words back. “I me—”

“I think so too.” Jin replies, eyes closed as he rests his head against his knees again. “It makes everything feel a bit more worth it, makes everything make a little more sense. So, to answer your question, no I haven’t thought of what I want to do next. I’m trying to appreciate the fact I get to enjoy life at all first.”

He blinks, then blinks again, vision blurring.

“Yusaku?” Jin asks, a quiet alarm in his voice as he sits up properly, “You’re crying, are you okay?”

Ah, that makes sense.

“I’m fine,” he replies, rubbing at his eyes, “I just think I’m trying to do the same thing too.”

Jin grins, “Well I think you of all people have earned that.”

“I guess.” He huffs.

“Well, _I know._ ” Jin says, hand pressed like fist above his chest.

“What else do you know?” He asks, one eyebrow raised.

“That this movie sucks, Takeru has terrible taste in action movies.” Jin replies immediately, gaze so serious that Yusaku barely processes the laugh that slips past his lips.

“It really is, I think he probably just likes all the explosions.”

“He does like fire,” Jin nods, grin a bit too bright for the statement, “but I think we should watch something that’s actually good now. Any suggestions?”

He shakes his head and Jin shrugs, pulling the laptop closer as he scrolls through the options eventually picking some animated movie Yusaku vaguely remembers seeing advertisements for; it had looked decent enough.

They both settle in as the opening sequence starts up and Yusaku relaxes into the couch, ready to enjoy this one moment.

And that’s good enough for now, the rest can come later.

-

Yusaku awakes some time later, groggy and half asleep, and it is probably only because of that that he does not immediately bolt off the couch.

Not that he could have, at some point both he and Jin had fallen asleep and Yusaku wakes up to find his head pressed against Jin’s chest, the others arm wrapped around his back. Kusanagi had also at some point somehow shifted to be sprawled over both their laps without falling off the couch. Ai, who had apparently returned at some point, has curled himself into the divot between three of them.

Yusaku glares at him suspiciously, Ai doesn’t need to sleep, and if he did want to rest it would make more sense to do so inside Yusaku’s duel disk than out here in the open.

“Ai,” He hisses softly, and instantly his eyes open but he doesn’t move from his position.

“Yes Yusaku?” He greets, somehow pulling off a smug smile on a featureless face.

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying this wonderful bonding moment! I’m so happy I could cry.” Ai says cheerly, moving one hand to wipe his nonexistent tears.

“Shut up.”

“I liked you a lot more when you were sleeping.” Ai pouts and Yusaku frowns, opening his mouth to reply but a yawn escaping instead. “Come on, back to sleep, you can yell at me in the morning.” Yusaku glares, trying to keep his expression firm but it droops as sleep pulls him back down.

He’ll deal with Ai later, right now he’s tired and rather comfortable. 

And if he hears the snap of a camera as sleep drags him away, well that’s also something he’ll deal with when he wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, the most important thing to me that you know. Is that yes you can absolutely just sit in a therapy session in silence the whole time. I did it four times in a row when I was 13 and my parents drove me to a therapy session by telling me we were going out to eat. Yusaku's reason is different than mine, but you sure can do it.
> 
> Also, now that it's the end and it's too late for you to unread it. Idk how happy I am with this, I only planned the first section, and even then only like 2/3rds of it --I also keep feeling like Yusaku is OOC but. idk. The rest of it was typing and seeing where it led, and it led to different places like four times, finally ending up at what I love best: friendship and family. Still, I might actually come back and revisit this and add another chapter maybe. But, first, I have one last fic I want to write for this 'series' as I guess it would be, and if I finish it it will be the first wholly shippy thing I have written that was not a gift or prompt since 2016. It's almost exciting.
> 
> Regardless, thanks for reading!  
> [Tumblr](http://twinsky.tumblr.com)/[Twitter](https://twitter.com/twinsky72)


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